Satisfied
by euphorella
Summary: "She chooses to live with that silent, lifelong sacrifice. For the sake of Aang, and for the sake of the world." On her wedding day, Katara reflects on what she truly wants—and what she can never have.


**A/N** So... this is just a really big, plotless, nonsensical drabble, which resulted from being Hamiltrash and Zutara trash. I'm not very proud of this piece. But, you know, Hamilton.

 **Disclaimer** AtLA belongs to Bryke, _Satisfied_ belongs to Lin-Manuel Miranda.

* * *

 **Satisfied**

* * *

 _1\. May you always be satisfied_

* * *

"A toast to Avatar Aang!"

" _To Avatar Aang!"_

"To the Waterbending Master, Lady Katara!"

" _To Lady Katara!"_

"To their union—"

" _To their union!"_

"And the hope that they will provide. May they always be satisfied!"

" _May they always be satisfied!"_

. . . . . .

The crowd dissipates into graceful camaraderie, old friendships reuniting and new ones forming. The wedding has been one of the biggest, most anticipated occasions in the decade, and Katara is glad— _sort of_ —that it is finally over with. Planning such an event, she learned, is very strenuous.

Katara keeps a warm gaze in the scene, but tries to avoid a pair of golden eyes.

* * *

 _2\. Set my heart aflame_

 _(or, a flashback)_

* * *

" _I hate crowds," Zuko mutters as they finally reach the silence of the rooftop. "I hate people."_

" _What, has Mai gotten into you?" she teases, nudging him lightly. He gives her a lopsided smile._

" _Nah," he says. "I have ever since."_

 _Then they fall into a comfortable quietness, relishing the view of the city. It is broken by a sigh from Zuko._

" _I don't know if what I'm doing is enough," he blurts out suddenly._

" _What?"_

" _I mean—I really do my best. I'm trying." He keeps his eyes at the city below. "But… restoring peace… I thought after the war, things will be easier…"_

 _She understands._

" _They never will be, Zuko. Especially if you're a leader. Take it from someone who travels around the world." She follows his line of sight then. "I've seen so many lives. They still suffer. War has that effect on some people, you know?"_

 _He nods. "Yeah."_

" _Sometimes I get tired of it all," she admits. "Sometimes I wish… I could just stay in one place. Work with what I can. But Aang…" Katara trails off, not knowing how to articulate her thoughts._

 _He gives her a sidelong glance. "I know what you mean."_

" _And sometimes… I catch myself asking if that's what I want." It is the first time she says it out loud. "I just—I don't know. I never seem to be satisfied."_

 _He squeezes her forearm softly. "That's something we have in common."_

 _When she meets his warm smile, her heart takes a sudden leap._

. . . . . .

Zuko sees her as a dear friend, as a _person_. Not as 'the mother friend,' just as everybody else does—even her boyfriend—and it brought relief. To have someone understand her so intimately, so deeply, was a breath of fresh air, a feeling of freedom.

And, in many ways, she understood him as deeply.

At that moment Katara wonders what life would be like had she spent more time with him in the Fire Nation. Spirits, that would have been so _relieving_ on both their parts—she would finally settle, but not compromise her nature to love and to help; he would have some of the pressure taken off his crown, because he has someone who feels what it's like to carry that pressure.

When he squeezes her forearm and smiles at her, a sudden thought leaves her breathless and paralyzed.

 _Yue, help me. I'm in love with him._

She fights back the urge to say it out loud. She doesn't need to, though; it seems as if he already knows.

. . . . . .

When they head back to the party, she immediately sees Aang, who promptly gives her a peck on the lips. She sees all the hope in the world reflected in his gray eyes.

* * *

 _3\. Three fundamental things_

 _(or, realizations at the wedding)_

* * *

Katara feels her new husband intertwine his hand with hers and squeeze. When she turns back to him to smile, she tries to imagine the feel of calloused skin and a scar.

And then she allows herself to come to terms to some things.

. . . . .

One:

Zuko is from the Fire Nation. Peace has been restored, yes, but some things are easier seen externally than internally.

There is prejudice—the Fire Nation people still see her as an outsider, a peasant. Sure, she has proven her worth as the Avatar's teacher, and currently as an ambassador, but she is still not among them.

Then, there is the prejudice of _her_ people. Zuko may have more than redeemed himself in her eyes, but not in the eyes of the Water Tribe. She knows, by heart, that he is a man of goodness, but to her people, he is still the blood and flesh of Ozai, of Azulon, of Sozin.

The world will never deem it well.

Still, she doesn't want him any less.

. . . . . .

Two:

She has Aang, he has Mai.

It is far easier, perhaps, to marry someone of noble descent in his own country. It will never be difficult. Sometimes, familiarity is people's only solace.

She is a beacon of hope to many people. Being with the Avatar makes the title fit more. Perhaps that is why people expect her to settle down with him.

It seems to be very light-loaded, at least _for the world_ , if things stayed where they are. To _them_ , it calls for a silent, lifelong sacrifice. And they both know a thing or two about that.

. . . . . .

Three:

Katara knows Aang like she knows her own mind. She spent six years with him, after all—one as his sifu, the rest as his lover. He is trusting and kind, and sweet and gentle. He deserves nothing but happiness.

If she tells him that she loves Zuko, he would be so terribly broken. She does not want to risk that happiness—a happiness that the world so heavily depends on.

So she chooses to live with that silent, lifelong sacrifice. For the sake of Aang, and for the sake of the world.

* * *

 _4\. At least I keep his eyes in my life_

 _(or, what could have been)_

* * *

At night Katara fantasizes about golden eyes. She fantasizes about two dried wounds: one on the face, one on the chest. She fantasizes about rebuilding a country with him, about pouring her heart out to him, about crying on his shoulder (or the other way around). She fantasizes about children with blue eyes and porcelain skin. She dreams of the warmth of his body, the comfort of his words, the reassurance in his eyes.

. . . . . .

The next time she sees the Fire Lord, it'll be for political purposes, perhaps a reunion of old friends. That's how far it could only go.

Still, she'll see him often. That should be enough at the very least.

* * *

 _5\. I will never be satisfied_

* * *

" _May you always be satisfied!"_

The feel of calloused skin and the imaginary scar lingers.

When they both look back at the crowd, she catches Zuko's gaze. For one moment, they merely look at each other. No words uttered, no expressions betrayed, until he gives her a small, sad smile. _I hope you're happy_ , it seemed to say.

She returns it. _I hope you are, too_.

. . . . .

But in her heart, Katara knows too well. _He will never be satisfied._

I _will never be satisfied._


End file.
